Sad but true…..
Not Ready for this Chicago Heat.
I didn’t even know it got hot in Chicago. I just assumed it…
Guess it’s only a local joke on how Chicago has 11 months of brutal winter and 1 hellish month of summer.
Cold, Heat, Flooding, Sinkholes, Police and gun violence…..shit is SO real in Chicago; people die behind dumb shit everyday to the point that it seems as if life itself is against us. Chiraq, Killinois indeed.
And my co-workers are talking about how HILARIOUS “The Californians” is on SNL. Talmbout how it’s the BEST thing on SNL right now…..
I’ve never felt blacker in this department than I do right now.
If the upcoming movie “The Purge” was filmed on the South Side of Chicago
At the risk of being called and ashy-dicked nigga, there’s just something about dark-skinned girls with big light eyes that’s just bewitching….
Add in a sundress and cowboy boots and might not eem be able to speak.
“You get older, you have kids, you stop stealing….it’s sad”
• Accidentally close a tab? Ctrl+Shift+T reopens it.
• Bananas release dopamine, eat them when you’re sad.
• CTRL+SHIFT+ESC is the one handed version of CTRL+ALT+DEL
• Don’t brush your teeth hard, it makes them sensitive and removes enamel.
• Don’t like spiders? Put citronella oil on your walls and they will not go there.
• Drink one glass of water for every alcoholic drink you have, you’ll get drunk without getting a hangover.
• Get clear ice cubes by boiling water before freezing it
• Heal paper cuts and immediately stop the pain with chapstick.
• If you accidentally write on your dry erase board with a permanent marker, scribble over it with a dry eraser marker to remove it.
• If your shoes smell, put them in the freezer overnight, it will kill the bacteria.
• Make bug bites stop itching with a banana peel.
• Make a paper longer with 12-point text, but 14-point periods and commas.
• Need to get around a blocked website at work? Try replacing the http:// with https://
• Never send your resume as a word file (unless asked) Instead, print it to a pdf file, it’s much cleaner and professional looking.
• Pick a flavor of gum you don’t normally chew, and chew it while studying during a test.
• Place a piece of bread in a container with your homemade cookies and they will stay soft.
• Put a dry towel into a dryer with wet clothes, they will dry faster.
• Put toothpaste on a pimple and it will dry out.
• Practise fake smiling in the mirror every day before going to work/school, you’ll genuinely start to feel happier.
• Rub canola/olive oil on knives before cutting onions, you won’t cry, alternatively chew gum and you won’t either.
• Short on time with a wrinkled dress shirt? Hang it up in the bathroom to steam it flat.
• The night before, place things you don’t want to forget the next morning on top of your shoes.
• Use hydrogen peroxide to remove blood stains from clothing.
• When cleaning windows use newspapers or coffee filters instead of paper towels, they will not leave streaks.
• When microwaving bread products/pizza put a glass of water in with it, it will keep your bread for going spongy.
• When you move into a new place you’re renting, take pictures of any and all damage, then post them on facebook (privately if preferred) so you can use the reference date as proof you didn’t do it.
• When searching plane tickets online delete your cookies prior, prices go up when you visit a site multiple times.
Reblogging to keep handy….
“look, Fuck You. Fuck the plane you flew in on. Fuck them shoes. Fuck those socks with the belt on it. Fuck yo gay ass fairy faggot accent. Fuck them cheap ass cigars. Fuck yo yuck mouth teeth. Fuck yo hair piece. Fuck yo chocolate. Fuck Guy Richie. Fuck Prince William. Fuck The Queen. This is America. My President is Black and my Lambo is Blue Nigga. Now get the fuck out my hotel room. And if I see you in the street i’m slapping the shit outta ya.”
Weatherman talmbout a high of 66 degrees today.
He neglected to say that we hit that high at 12:05…..LAST NIGHT!
‘Got me out here in 40 degree weather with no coat, like I’m WHITE FOLKS.